Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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