My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
