She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is classic penis vs brain.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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