his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
