Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
