I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I'm really busy with my period
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