I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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