The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
