I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
