I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
