dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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