i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
