once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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