dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Randomize
