I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
