dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
