You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
