i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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