so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
