Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
