i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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