Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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