just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
