The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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