THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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