Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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