hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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