He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
