How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
