I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
