and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
