This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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