awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
be right there i have to get my cape
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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