I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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