ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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