on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
