you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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