U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
