Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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