i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
