There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
