I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
