capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
