Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
