Plan B is the new Plan A
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
