I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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