Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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