I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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