Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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