That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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