I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
