I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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