On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
