it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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