those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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