before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
