he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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