Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize