Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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