WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
