he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's the barista slut.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
