Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
