Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
