Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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