I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
