dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
