I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
