"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
